Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant Lulu DicloniousFemale/United States Groups :iconkurtcobainfans4: KurtCobainFans4
 
Recent Activity
Deviant for 4 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 807 Deviations 2,032 Comments 19,807 Pageviews
×

Newest Deviations

Enjoy My Artwork! Favorite, Comment,

Favourites

I Love Comics Of Animes!
I Love Drawings Of Fans!
I Also Enjoy Reading Stories Of My Favorite Animes 2!

deviantID

DeidaraTheHotty's Profile Picture
DeidaraTheHotty
Lulu Diclonious
United States
I PLAY PIANO AND GUITAR LIKE CRAZY IVE BEEN WRITING MUSIC FOR 5 YEARS NOW.. HUGE MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE FAN
love tenchu stealth assassins, tenchu birth of stealth assassins, and tenchu wrath of heaven! IM A HuGE TENChu VIDEO GaME FAN!! LOVE TENChu!LOVE PLAYING GUITAR AND PIANO AND SING..

LOVE LISTENING TO NIRVANA (not just stupid smells like teen spirit but there first album and third album and there unreleased albums!) LOVE KURT COBAIN SO MUCH


love staring at the wall and thinking it will answer my deep questions.... (questions i never ask anyone)
Interests
School is coming in 3 more days.
I've accomplished nothing this summer.
I wrote on a note on the first day of summer about goals I wanted to accomplish this summer and hung it near my mirror.

Well it turns out I accomplished none of them, and even worse, my depression and self hate has increased more than ever.

I've lost touch with the world.  I'm starting my senior year with this horrible mindset and it hurts cuz everyone is so excited and proud of their lives and I'm here just sulking in my dangerous thoughts.

The sounds of people's voices, specifically the ones I loved, are nothing to me. All I feel is hate.

I called him spontaneously after almost a year. He sounded so happy. I hung up the phone and realized that I completely lost my sentimentality.

All I see are numbers underneath my foot. Standing on the bathroom floor. Just to eat myself whole is all that I'm after.

After it all, I would say I've gotten nowhere. There's absolutely no way out with this mind of mine.

If this is what you wanted. Well here you go. You always win. For almost 6 years with this relationship of the mirror, I could say I am officially insane.

Love is shit.
Hate is my life.
Undress my thick skin.
And something has to go down.
Your expectations or my numbers.
Make it hurt right.
Right where I like it.
Spell the scars on my thighs.
Cuz my wrists are all that he was after.
And I still find my dreams consisting of him.
He has no idea that this whole year and half of the year before that was full of empty eyes as empty as my stomach.
He lives on in my mind.
But never again in reality.


embedded_item1471013362325 by DeidaraTheHotty

Journal History

Activity


There's a wall of eyes piercing against my instincts.
Silent secrets.
Start all the right times and replace them with sour hate.
Talking for so long and almost feeling better.
Until I leave the scene, I lie to myself and repeat the hatred all over again.

I close my bedroom door.
I drop myself on my angry bed.
I remember the pills and I take them.
A perfect ecstacy.
A perfect escape.
It's still goodnight right?

I walk through loud crowds.
Just relax.
Just breathe.
Everyone knows.
Everyone sees.
She's the one who wanted to say goodbye to the world.

I painted my wishes on a lovely canvas and sell them to heroes.
Don't show me the old ones.
I felt cold air blowing from that painting against my heart.
Soaring through the moment that reminds me of a time where my blonde hair covered my eyes.

I slept safe that night.
I could sleep forever actually.
Sure enough, I still taste all the tears I screamed out.
And still, I wish I had just one more refill.

Just one more.
I'll close my eyes and settle.
I'll close my eyes and nestle.
In the pits of the two years I lost myself with the world watching.
And the world might not be watching now.
But they still remember.
They still remember it all.
When The World Remembers
A Short verse/poem I made.
I hope you like it.

- DeidaraTheHotty
Loading...
School is coming in 3 more days.
I've accomplished nothing this summer.
I wrote on a note on the first day of summer about goals I wanted to accomplish this summer and hung it near my mirror.

Well it turns out I accomplished none of them, and even worse, my depression and self hate has increased more than ever.

I've lost touch with the world.  I'm starting my senior year with this horrible mindset and it hurts cuz everyone is so excited and proud of their lives and I'm here just sulking in my dangerous thoughts.

The sounds of people's voices, specifically the ones I loved, are nothing to me. All I feel is hate.

I called him spontaneously after almost a year. He sounded so happy. I hung up the phone and realized that I completely lost my sentimentality.

All I see are numbers underneath my foot. Standing on the bathroom floor. Just to eat myself whole is all that I'm after.

After it all, I would say I've gotten nowhere. There's absolutely no way out with this mind of mine.

If this is what you wanted. Well here you go. You always win. For almost 6 years with this relationship of the mirror, I could say I am officially insane.

Love is shit.
Hate is my life.
Undress my thick skin.
And something has to go down.
Your expectations or my numbers.
Make it hurt right.
Right where I like it.
Spell the scars on my thighs.
Cuz my wrists are all that he was after.
And I still find my dreams consisting of him.
He has no idea that this whole year and half of the year before that was full of empty eyes as empty as my stomach.
He lives on in my mind.
But never again in reality.


embedded_item1471013362325 by DeidaraTheHotty
  • Listening to: Nothing
  • Reading: nothing
  • Watching: the weight drop
  • Playing: with my life
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: nothing
 Dont know why I still have a Deviantart.

Lets get a few things straight.

Dont eat. 
Dont eat.
And dont eat.

May 8th is also the day I overdosed on Amitriptyline in 2015.
So that day is coming up...

Have a great day everyone..

~ Lulu (yeah you can call me dead...)
  • Listening to: Nothing
  • Reading: The fire starter by Stephen king
  • Watching: my life fall before me
  • Playing: with my life
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: nothing
i know i lied..

you can wait everyday and find me never there..

nobody ever seems to see, just how cynical ive become..

i dont trust the world and who tries to be there...

so tell me, Why would you beg me to stop by and say hi..

when i know exactly who you are and how much you betrayed me that day... 

May 21st... 

I lost humanity and everyone in it..

Dont expect me to sob in front of you again..

dont expect me to seek help..

cuz you all have no idea how fucked up i am right now...

I dont think you want to know me right now...

AdCast - Ads from the Community

×

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:icondoucherie:
doucherie Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2016
your a fucking emo faggot.
Reply
:icondeidarathehotty:
DeidaraTheHotty Featured By Owner May 4, 2016
thanks bro :blowkiss:
Reply
:iconken-ichijoji:
Ken-Ichijoji Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Is anything allright!?
You are so silent,since I am answer you.
Reply
:icondeidarathehotty:
DeidaraTheHotty Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2015
hey whats up.
no nothing is alright.
that is so sweet of you to ask.
your so sweet. 
:blowkiss: :glomp: :heart: :matrixglomp: :gwomp: REVAMP 
Reply
:iconken-ichijoji:
Ken-Ichijoji Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You made me worryHug Huggle! Heart .
Sorry for my stupid English:o (Eek)
I can better Deutsch sprechen;) (Wink)
Reply
:iconxxxeleanorxxx:
xXxEleanorxXx Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2015
Thank you so much for the fav!
Reply
:iconkageshadowkunoichi:
KageShadowKunoichi Featured By Owner May 21, 2015
Not stalking but I saw that you loved Shaye Saint John on the DA fanpage
and I just thought that was so awesome because I love her so much too and
i'll leave because this is really awkward, GAWD. Sorry. Bye~
Reply
:icondeidarathehotty:
DeidaraTheHotty Featured By Owner May 22, 2015
HAHAHA OH MY GOD YOUR SO HILARIOUS I LOVE YOU!!! :squee: :blowkiss:
Yes I do like Shaye St. John and I heard that she is actually a HE.
And died from alcohol or drug abuse. Its been a long time that was 3 years ago. 
Your bringing me back to my old Freshman days my friend.
And im glad you enjoy my page and looked through my submissions. 
Thats so sweet of you my pumpkin! :heart:
No need to be sorry. :glomp:
Reply
:iconkageshadowkunoichi:
KageShadowKunoichi Featured By Owner May 22, 2015
Oh my gosh, thank you so much~ :iconsnuggleplz:
And yes it's so sad about what happened to him, makes me so sad~
And you're so welcome~ <3
Reply
Add a Comment: